My Son

My son baby Z was born on the 9th of Dec 2011 

2.1kg that's me at 37 weeks an hour before my planned cesarean Because my blood pressure was high at 37 weeks I had to deliver via- c-section. the worst part of the c-section was getting curled up when i was given my epidural, which resulted in me feeling that my legs are not straight through out the operation... urghhh that got me really stressed. About half an hour after, my baby boy came out crying straight away.... Alhamdulillah he was perfect in every way!!! everything I asked for. The doctor did a thorough check on him and found out that he had a metabolic disorder (High acidity in his blood) which is a very rare condition. My boy on the first day, He had Pneumonia which was common for a baby his size. My boy on his second day, he was progressing well! My son on his third day, His acidity was still high, but the doctor could not diagnose his condition yet thus he was allowed to be breastfed. He was transferred to HKL on the fourth day since all the metabolic experts are all in HKL. when he arrived he was very weak, the doctors tried to correct the acidity in his blood and decided that a Parethonial Dialysis might help. Even after the Dialysis his condition didn't look too promising, and the doctors decided to have a long line inserted directly to his heart for him to get all the necessary nutrition. It is sad for me to see all this being done to him but in my heart, i shouldn't loose hope. He is fighting and i should give him every possible chance that he has to live. Up to this point all his major organs are failing... His heart, lungs , liver, kidney... even his brain has bleeding....... My boy fighting for his life.... It was very difficult to see him at that stage every time i visit him... i pray that he doesn't feel the pain... i told him if he cant stand it, just let go and that im ready to accept what ever that is going to happen to him. On the 8th day, the doctor said his overall performance is deteriorating, he is very bloated at this point of time because the Dialysis wasn't working well. due to his blood clogging. My husband and I cant stand this any longer, we prayed istikharah (asking Allah to guide us to make the right decision) either to switch the machine off or to keep on trying. On the 9th day, Allah answered our prayer and made it easy for us to decide. He was very weak, and we decided to turn the switch off because as parents we have done our best, as doctors they have tried their best and we have never look back and regret. I requested that he should be sedated so he will slowly go without feeling any pain. I hold him in my arms till his heart stops beating. I love my son dearly and i thank Allah that he gave me a chance to be a mother, to hold him close to me, to hear him cry when he was still strong.... to have him grip my fingers when i was nursing him. to have him in me for 37weeks..... There is so much to be thankful for. I believe Allah has his reasons for this to happen and i accept it wholeheartedly. I admire the support my family and my husband's family has given to both of us through this hardship. They were there from the beginning till the very end I know he is waiting for his parents... he is my inspiration to be a better muslim so I will get to meet him there.  Cause of death: Congenital Lactate acidosis To Rule Out Mitochondrial disorder pyrovate Carboxylase.